LIVE UNITED Y’All!

I recently helped my daughter move back into the dorm for her third year of college.  As we loaded up the truck with her belongings early in the morning, the next door neighbors were all waiting anxiously on the front porch for the school bus to come.  It seemed it was not only my daughter’s first day back for the semester, but also the first day of preschool for the four year old next door. 

As I watched one of the cutest little boys I have ever met excitedly climb aboard for his first day of ‘big school’, as he calls it, with the whole family there to cheer him on and wave goodbye, I couldn’t help but think back to when that was me tearing up as my own daughter went off to face the world without me.

I thought about the first day of child care, how I was a mess and she was fine, and how on the first day of kindergarten, my tiny little five year old climbed aboard the school bus without even looking back.  She was fine.  I was not.  In thinking back, I realized that I was always the one who was not ok.  She was always fearless and charging forward.

I thought about the slumber parties growing up, overnight field trips in elementary and middle school to Gatlinburg and Space Camp in Alabama, long hours at band competitions and week long trips out of state to perform in high school.  I thought about moving her into the dorm for the first time and the panic attack I had when she called to say she was going to the Bahamas to stay on a sail boat for a week and scuba dive the reefs as part of her last short term class.  Again, she was always excited and ready to embark on a new adventure.  I was the one having a hard time letting go. 

Then I realized.  That’s my job.  It is my job to do my best to prepare her and then to let go.  I will always worry and I will always be there just in case, but I know in my heart she will flourish.  It is hard, very hard sometimes, but it is my job and I will always find a way to let go so she can fly.  I know there will be more times when I will need to let go in the future and they will always be difficult, but they will also be worth the reward as I see her succeed.  I will be the best parent I can be.  I will let go.

General Children, parenting

Success By 6 offers parent workshops in partnership with a few local hospitals. This effort recently expanded to include monthly workshops at Norton Suburban. I decided to attend the first workshop to make sure everything ran smoothly and because I was interested in the topic. Dr. Jeanette Nunnelley presented her workshop, “Powerful, Practical Practices in Behavior Guidance.” I generally think that I do a pretty good job in the positive discipline arena, but I thought that I should see how I compare to the advice of an expert.

I was pleased that so many of the strategies that she described were ones that I already use with Luke. Here are a few of them:

• Ignore inappropriate behavior and/or redirect. If what he’s doing isn’t going to hurt him and it is just annoying me I try to walk away. And if he is not making the best choice, it is easy to “trick” him into focusing his attention on something else.
• Catch your child being good. When he uses good manners or is sweet to another person I praise him and tell him how proud I am of the behavior I want to see more of.
• Use simple preventative measures. No one likes to be rushed. In our frantic family one of the most valuable strategies that we use is to give five minute warnings (followed by a countdown of minutes) when it is nearing time to move to our next activity.

Of course, I have had the opportunity to sit in on countless early childhood training sessions when I worked in the child care field, and I have real-life experience with lots of other people’s children who I have cared for. So, I should already know these techniques. The part that pleases me the most is that I almost always put them into practice. Don’t get me wrong, everyone loses their patience sometimes. I know that I have fussed at him in a less than appropriate way on at least a couple of occasions.

I can think of one bedtime in particular. We had gotten all set: all clean from bath, pajamas on, lots of books thrown into the bed waiting to be read, and goodnight kisses for Daddy. In my mind we were all set for a typical bedtime. Apparently Luke had other things in mind. He kept getting out of bed to go get stuff telling me, “I be right back.” He would come back, get back into bed, think of something else and jump out of the bed again. I probably ignored this behavior for a little too long because I finally had enough and told him in a raised voice that if he didn’t get into that bed then we weren’t reading any books at all and I was leaving the room. My overly-sensitive child cried. He hung his head and wouldn’t look at me. He finally said, “I’m mad.” I felt bad about hurting his feelings, but I was impressed with his ability to name his feeling. We snuggled and read books after that, but it still wasn’t an exchange that I felt good about.

The biggest take-away for me from Dr. Nunnelley’s workshop was her reminder to be an appropriate role model for your child. This is actually something that I am trying to be intentional about in everything that I do: Be the change that you want to see. So, of course it makes sense for me to be the kind of person that I want my son to be.

What works with your child?  When have you been frustrated?

photo credit:  brungrrl

Education Children, early childhood, parent workshops, parenting, Success By 6

When Luke was not quite 18 months old, I began to have concerns about his speech development. I consulted family members, friends, co-workers, and expert volunteers for their opinions. Of course, by asking so many people I got quite a range of advice. There were a lot of folks who thought that I had very high expectations for Luke, and that I should wait until he was at least two before I really worried. Others thought that as his mom I knew best and it couldn’t hurt to have an evaluation done. In the end, I decided that I did know my child better than anyone else in the world. If he didn’t qualify for services then I would know that I had been overreacting but wouldn’t have worried that I hadn’t done enough for my son.

So, I spoke with a friend who works for First Steps, and she guided me through the process. It was actually pretty easy. I made the referral for Luke. Within a few days, the Initial Service Coordinator (ISC) assigned to Luke contacted me to set up a time for us to talk. She came to my office and asked me several questions about Luke and we set up a time for his evaluation. The evaluator came to our home. She played with Luke, asked us more questions about our observations of him and made notations on the forms she was using. Based on her findings, he did qualify for speech services. We then chose a Primary Service Coordinator (PSC) who helped us choose a speech therapist.

Luke’s speech therapist would see him at a variety of locations based on her schedule and what worked for us. Sometimes she would see him at his child care center, sometimes at our house, and sometimes at one of his grandmothers’ homes. It was so nice to have his therapy at places that he was used to and comfortable with. His therapist was kind and offered us tips about what we could do with Luke on a day-to-day basis to encourage his speech development.

When enrolled in First Steps, the PSC and therapists periodically review the established Individual Family Service Plan (IFSP). At our second review, the speech therapist shared that she thought that Luke might have some sensory issues and recommended that we have an evaluation to see if Luke qualified for Occupational Therapy. I was a little shocked and admittedly devastated. I had been able to accept his need for speech that was seemingly common, but a sensory integration disorder? That I wasn’t prepared for.

I didn’t understand. This was my child. The child I read to everyday from the time he was in the womb, the child I played, sang and danced with, my sweet boy. I never thought that my child would be the recipient of services. In my job I help to make sure that services are available to those in need. I am not used to being the one in need. So, I began to look into Sensory Integration Dysfunction. A lot of the descriptions that I read on the web and in recommended books did seem to fit my sweet boy. So, I knew what I had to do. If he had something going on that he needed help with, it was my responsibility to make sure that he got the help that he needed. Even if it meant that my expectations had to change.

We had further evaluation and he qualified for Occupational Therapy. Luke’s experience with OT was amazing. In my opinion, it actually helped with his speech more than the speech therapy alone had. This “diagnosis” wasn’t the end of the world. It was a way for Luke to learn to manage some of his challenges. It was a way for him to be more comfortable in the world.

At the beginning of April, my not-so-little Luke will turn three. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by. His third birthday will also mark the end of his time with First Steps. He has come a long way. I now understand almost all of what he is saying, although he doesn’t use all of the correct sounds. He transitions easily from one activity to another, and is a well-adjusted, normal little boy.

Based on my conversations with his therapists, his PSC and my contacts at JCPS I have decided to let Luke take the summer off from therapy. He would likely only qualify for speech through the school system and the school year is coming to a close. So, we’re going to enroll in swim lessons, continue going to Gymboree and work on his articulation during our normal conversations. We’ll see how he’s doing in September. If I think that Luke still needs an extra boost in his language development, we’ll seek an evaluation through the school system or look into private services. I will always make sure that he has everything that he needs to be the best person that he can be.

Education early childhood education, parenting, Success By 6

What can we do to better support parents as they embark on the tough journey of raising children?  As our economic conditions put more immediate pressure on families, what are we doing to make sure parents are able to support their child’s future?

These are the types of questions that have come up for me lately in my work in Success By 6.  I have also starting reading a couple of early childhood blogs that converged on this topic last week.  Christina writes a blog aimed at the parents of her kindergarten students to engage them in what goes on in her classroom (her interest is using tech in the classroom is very cool).  There was a link on this early childhood blog to a story about the anxieties British children face as a consequence of their parents’ stress.

These connections reinforce the idea that our community needs to do more to support and encourage parents.  How can we make it easier for teachers and caregivers to talk with parents about what happens with their child during the day?  How do make sure that the stresses facing our adults don’t affect our children’s mental health?

Are you a parent?  What support do you need?  What can groups like Metro United Way Success By 6 do?  How can we work together to ensure the success of our children?

Photo credit:  assbach

Education Community, early childhood, parenting, Success By 6

I began working in the early childhood field over a decade ago. Six years ago I came to Metro United Way and began my work with Success By 6. Throughout my career I have worked to support parents and caregivers in their roles in the lives of young children. Often times this meant providing “parent tips,” training, and advice to parents and child care providers.

Nearly three years ago, my son Luke was born, and I knew I was going to have to see if I could practice what I had preached. Would I be able to implement all of those “simple strategies” I’d suggested to others? Would I do some of the things that I had advised against? When it came down to it would I live up to my own expectations of what a parent should be?

Anyone who is a parent - or even knows a parent - understands that parenting is no simple job. In fact, it is the most important job that we will ever have, and it is a 24/7 kind of deal. So, there are many things that I was worried about how I would handle in my new role as “mommy.” Honestly, I can remember being extremely nervous about caring for the little umbilical cord stump and cutting his nails. I have no idea why these two things caused me such anxiety. Looking back neither was really a big deal at all, but I did learn that new parents worry about every little thing, and I was no exception – despite my years in the field. In thinking about the “big picture stuff,” I was concerned about healthy eating habits, sleep issues, maintaining a routine, instilling strong family values, and making sure that this little person was loved and nurtured – among others.

Early literacy skills and nurturing through reading have been strong focuses of Success By 6. In the months before Luke was born, I would sit in his nursery and read to my gigantic belly. Certainly, reading to my child everyday would be something I would do. Right? Over two and a half years later, my answer to this question is that we do read together everyday, for the most part, and like so many others it is a big part of our bedtime routine. However, it hasn’t always been quite as easy as I thought, and there are days when it can be more of a chore than a fun, nurturing experience.

For instance, when Luke was about one he was so busy trying to turn the pages himself that we didn’t always get to actually read the books. For an avid reader like myself, this was kind of annoying, despite the fact that it was absolutely age-appropriate. Currently, we are in the phase of reading and re-reading the same books over and over again. I have secretly thought about hiding Elmo’s Big Lift and Look Book so that I can get a break from it. He also has figured out that I think reading is very important. He uses this against me to put off going to sleep. He is certain that he can say, “One more book, Mommy” over and over to keep me in his room for as long as possible before I turn the lights off.

However, as all parents know, the joy that our children bring us far outweighs the fact that parenting is a hard job. There really isn’t anything I enjoy as much as laying in his bed at night curled up under the covers with his favorite books. He loves being read to and he is beginning to love to “read” his books to me. When he “reads” to me the inflection in his voice is modeled after how I read to him. His imitation of me in this particular way provides me with a great sense of pride and accomplishment.

Reading to Luke daily has been a confirmation to me that it is a vitally important component of what our youngest children need. It has shown me that although I am well-versed on this subject that I am always looking for new ways to do it better. And I have found that it is as much about providing that safe, nurturing experience as it is about setting the foundation for learning to read.

In the coming weeks, I will continue to explore other aspects of my personal Success By 6 experiment through these blog posts. I would welcome comments from others about your experiences with young children.

Education early childhood, parenting, reading, Success By 6