LIVE UNITED Y’All!

Judy Schroeder 

In this season of giving, when we care so much that every child has a gift, do we need to remember that the best gift we ever give is the love that child needs so much?

I was in a remarkable gathering on my birthday this month. Yes, my family and friends are most remarkable, and I was blessed with very loving parents. But I was thinking about the group of parents I visited with that morning.

“2Not1.” Can you guess what it means? 

It’s actually a great title because it says exactly what it means:  Children deserve two parents, not only one.  Adults may have to live apart, but our children deserve both their fathers and their mothers as much as we, the adults of this world, can make that happen. 

There’s even a rising national movement among fathers who are creatively reclaiming their parenting role after separation from their child’s mother.

According to the National Drop-Out Prevention Center, parent engagement still makes the critical difference in young people’s lives. Students with involved parents, no matter what their income or background, are more likely to do better, try harder, be more involved, have better social skills, and finally graduate from school to hold jobs with incomes almost $10,000 better each year than the students who gave up and dropped out. Unfortunately, the National Principals Association also reports that 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 

It’s just that much harder to be an involved parent when you are the only adult paying attention.

That’s why the extended family and community supports for both parents in a child’s life are so important.  

Empowering parents to support a child’s success is the best and longest-lasting gift we can give a child. That’s what we do in the Gheens Bridges to Tomorrow program. That’s what is working for Shawn Gardner as he organizes 2Not1. That’s why we ask every parent of an infant or toddler to fill out the Ages & Stages Questionnaire. That’s why our Neighborhood Engagement is focused on building Parent Networks. 

Loving, involved parents give a gift that lasts.

Advocacy, Education, General, Giving Children, Community, Education, Louisville, Neighborhoods, parenting

By Jan Sherrell

It is November. November is the month we are more intentional about giving thanks. Heck, they named a holiday after it.

I thought I’d share some stories of Metro United Way agencies and their thankful clients.

Three year old Colten’s parents are thankful for Visually Impaired Preschool. When they were told at two months that their son Colten had significant vision impairment, Colten’s parents were scared. Now they are thankful that visiting VIPS allowed them to meet toddlers without sight learning to adapt and play and live to the fullest. They had millions of questions regarding Colten’s diagnosis and prognosis. They are thankful VIPS staff helped them find the answers.

Mrs. C is thankful for the daily phone calls she receives from Multi-Purpose Community Action volunteers. She is very appreciative of someone showing an interest in her and being available to offer other resources when she needs them. Mrs. C looks forward to the phone call daily; they are her window to the world.

Patrick is a 45 year-old male with mental challenges. In 2007 he was living in a homeless shelter. Now Patrick knows how to do numerous industrial tasks at Custom Quality Service’s sheltered workshop. Patrick is thankful for his own place and for Custom Quality Services giving him a chance at independence.

Eighty-three year old Mr. G admits he sometimes has to force himself to attend the Arthur S. Kling Center. His poor health and no energy can make it a struggle to get motivated. But he knows that when he gets there he will enjoy the camaraderie. He enjoys a hot lunch, plays pool, exercises and uses the computer. He is thankful for the social workers available there to help him and their care for him inspires Mr. G to visit others in poor health.

And me?  I’m always thankful for the contingent of agencies serving our community and improving lives. What are you thankful for?

General, Health, Income Agencies, community change, Give Thanks, Live United, parenting, United Way

By Kelly Hutchinson, Donor Relationship Manager

Last week I was fortunate to attend the celebration dinner of the annual WLKY Bell Awards. This special event recognizes the outstanding volunteer efforts of individuals in our community who work hard to make a difference through volunteer service to others.

I have long been aware of this program and was thankful to have the opportunity to attend and shared the invitation with my daughter Mariah who is 16. My thinking was a little on the selfish side. I had noticed two youth awards would be presented and felt like this would inspire her as well.  I was hoping she would take a look at DePauw University where one of the Youth Service recipients Samuel Leist attends, and I was hoping she would want to volunteer. Don’t get me wrong. Mariah has a desire to give back. She volunteers when she can but has told me she wants to do more. I believe when her life is less-busy with an active volleyball season she will follow through.

We met at the Galt House, enjoyed a delicious dinner and watched the awards program unfold. We read the bio’s in our program of the deserving recipients and anxiously waited to hear from them when they shared personal messages at the podium. We noted in our program that the last award was going to Earl Wieting, a 91 year old volunteer who served in World War II, and continues to serve today by volunteering his time to deliver food to places including the Salvation Army. I have confessed before, I appreciate old people and he was so cute and well worth the wait to the end of the program to hear from!

After the ceremony, on our drive home,  I asked Mariah,”so what did you think?”
Then I was quiet as to not elicit any direction on what I was hoping to hear. Here is what she commented.

“Why were all the waiters and waitresses working at the dinner black? I think that was strange? That doesn’t make sense to me.”

“My favorite winnner was the lady in the purple dress. I really liked what she said when she got her award.”

“I heard several of the winners say they were able to do so much volunteering because of their position or husband or were wealthy. I sort of feel like that gives them an advantage -that they have the opportunity to do so much more because of that -and then they also are the ones who ‘get the award’.”

“I really want to do more.”

I won’t include my responses here but can tell you we shared a deeper quality discussion around each of her observations. Like my daughter, I came away ultimately wanting to find ways to do more. You don’t need to look far in our community to find people to help and at Metro United Way there are so many opportunities to help in ways that touch your heart and fit your schedule.

Isn’t that the real reward? Having a desire in your heart to want to help others and then doing it. Tell me about your last volunteer experience? Will you plan to do some volunteering for 85 days of Caring? You could even make it a family affair.

Tune in to WLKY TV on October 16^th at 8 pm and you can hear for yourself what retired attorney Susan Turner aka the lady in the purple dress had to say about volunteering and watch the 2010 Bell Awards Ceremony.

Volunteering Community, Louisville, making a difference, parenting, Volunteering, WLKY Bell Awards, youth

by Judy Schroeder, Manager of Neighborhood Engagement

Because of Darlene Seabrooks, I’m meeting some wonderful young moms who are getting involved with our Ages & Stages “Action Research.”  I want you to meet some of them, so we’re making a video that I’ll post for you in a few weeks.

Since Metro United Way plans for every child in our Greater Louisville community to be prepared and ready for kindergarten, we have to be asking…HOW? (Where’s Superman when you need him?)

The Ages & Stages Questionnaire (ASQ) is one tool used by hundreds of local parents to learn more about what their child is learning, and what they, as parents, can do for their infants and toddlers. After all, free and confidential assistance is available to all Kentucky children under age 3 who have developmental needs, regardless of income. Let’s figure out how to use that!

Nearly 900 families from all backgrounds, scattered throughout dozens of different zip codes, are already involved. That tells me parents from all backgrounds are looking for information about their child’s development, and they are getting it with a personal touch provided by your Metro United Way.

Right now, we’re finding that around 20% of our children generally need some help. Those parents get a personal phone call to discuss great community services that can do that.

Maybe because of my special bias as a Portland neighborhood resident, I always have to ask whether the families who are getting involved include our poorest neighbors.

GREAT NEWS:  In the course of this Action Research study, we’ve seen the few returns we started with from predominantly poor/moderate income zip codes (which were 5% or less) rise to at least 27% of the returns we have now.  We find that some of those neighborhoods are doing better than others. For example, in Shawnee up to 75% of the children are scoring “typical” or better.

It’s also true (at this point in time) that our Action Research neighborhood has the highest participation numbers across Jefferson County. That’s good. The outreach helped.

What’s really important though, is that 60% of these scores are saying that children need some specific help, three times the results in the general population, from what we see now.

Returns from Parkway Place Housing, where there is a median household income of less than $15,000 per year, jumped in July-August 2010 due to participation by our partner, the California Child Development Center, and Darlene Seabrooks. Ms. Darlene is the trusted community advocate and mentor at the Housing Authority’s after-school Tutoring Center who graduated from the Center for Neighborhoods’ Neighborhood Institute with the idea that she wanted to make a difference for children and families’ education.  She has!

She is connecting us to interested parents, who are involved only because Ms. Darlene figured out how to get them involved. Now let’s keep them involved, because parents are the real Superman to their children.
*****
To request an Ages & Stages Questionnaire, call 2-1-1, or complete a request form for Ages & Stages Questionnaires on Metro United Way’s website.

Advocacy, Education, Income Ages & Stages Questionnaires, ASQ, Children, Community, early childhood, making a difference, Neighborhood Engagement, parenting, Success By 6

By Christopher Locke

Wow, it’s that time of the year again! A time when young people of all ages have visions of cartoon-covered backpacks, reams of three-hole, loose leaf paper and bounties of yellow Number 2 pencils dancing in their heads… Which means it’s indeed time for school! With the return to school and visions in mind, I’m reminded of a Henry David Thoreau quote that says “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

And while most parents and adults in the community are expectedly looking at purchasing items like sports and band uniforms, instruments, or even lab supplies to support their children’s education success in the classroom and school– a lot of well-meaning and caring adults have been spending a lot of time creating a compelling child-centered, community-based vision for young people to be successful outside the classroom and school. These caring adults and young people were callers, conveners and participants in a community effort called the Youth Vision. It was exciting to participate and witness the process of developing a vision that the community can be proud of that will also mobilize us to action.

The community response to an invitation from a group of youth development and education experts convened by Metro United Way to come and share their thoughts on youth success was overwhelming. When all the conversations were complete, 36 community conversations had taken place with residents from 30 of the 32 zip codes in the Louisville Metro area, from 11 other Kentucky zip codes and from 3 Southern Indiana County zip codes. The participant demographics revealed that the conversations had attracted broad and diverse participation from community residents interested in young people.

And as Thoreau said, they looked at some things. In fact, the participants looked at a long list of depressing challenges that often impede many young people’s paths to educational success.

• 1 in 4 freshman entering 9^th grade in JCPS don’t graduate on time and in four years with their peers.
• 65% of JCPS students are on free and reduced lunch.
• Worse still, last year JCPS reports that 10,500 students were classified as homeless.

In all three cases, a disproportionate number of the students are African American and Latino.

But again, like Thoreau wisely recommended, the community residents participating in the youth vision conversations did not get mired in pessimism. No, instead, this spirited group, led by Metro United Way and Metro Government, decided that the callers and the residents see what matters. So the optimists flipped the deficit-based reality that many of our students and families deal with everyday on its head and decided to engage resident voices in the process by asking three strengths or asset-based questions.

• Think about a young person in your life…What are your hopes and wishes for their success?
• What helps a young person be successful?
• If you could waive a magic wand, how would our community look different if ALL youth were succeeding?

After over 500 people had answered, the compelling Youth Vision emerged.

Louisville Youth…

• Have the skills and education to be self reliant, healthy, engaged and economically thriving.
• Have hope and show strength of character to achieve their goals, follow their dreams, respect others and contribute to bettering their community and world.
• Live in a caring community where everyone values, supports, invests in and fights for their success.

It sounds  pretty compelling to me, and we hope you agree! What are some of your ideas for our community’s youth? Would you be willing to act in creative ways to bring this vision to life in the community? How?

Advocacy, Education, General back to school, Children, Community, Education, future, High School Graduation, kindergarten, making a difference, Metro United Way, opportunity, parenting, Southern Indiana, students, success, youth, youth development, Youth Vision

With school having just started back, education seems to be on everyone’s mind.  Getting over the anxieties and challenges of starting a new school year can be a big hurdle – especially if your child is entering kindergarten or a new school.  This year, my son is a 5^th grader at a school that he has attended since pre-school, but my daughter started at a new school as an incoming 6^th grader entering middle school.  At orientation, she remarked “This place is BIG!”  As a parent putting myself in her shoes, I couldn’t have agreed more.

When children have a supportive family and a stable home environment, doing well in school can still be a significant challenge.  Keeping up with all of their subjects, text books, assignment sheets, daily reading, and long-term projects can be a tall task!  However, there are much greater challenges being faced by large numbers of children in our community.

Last year, 10,555 students in Jefferson County Schools were homeless at some point during the year.  To me, that number is staggering, both in terms of volume, as well as impact for each child.  I think about how difficult it must be to try to focus on academics when you may not know where you are going to eat or sleep.  Even if you’re staying with another family, sleeping on a couch in the living room is a far cry from sleeping in the comfort of your own bed in a private space.  It’s also painful to think about the many situations which may have caused the unstable housing to begin with – the loss of a job, a serious illness or death in the family, a lack of financial resources, chemical dependency, mental illness, domestic violence.  Every situation is unique.

Fortunately for us, our community is thinking about some of these most challenged students and how we can support them to make sure they have a fighting chance in school.  Organizations like the Metropolitan Housing Coalition, the Coalition for the Homeless and systems like Jefferson County Public Schools, our Kentucky’s Department of Community Based Services (child welfare), and Family Courts are teaming up to discuss how we can better support homeless children and their families, and how all of our systems can work together to ensure all children have every chance to be successful, by addressing their holistic needs.  When organizations and individuals come together around common goals, amazing things can happen.

I invite you to consider what it would be like to be in a homeless child’s shoes trying to learn in the classroom.  What images does this evoke for you?  How could taking on this perspective help us all as a community to better support these children’s academic success and long-term stability? 

Education, General Add new tag, Children, Coalition for the Homeless, Education, future, homeless, Jefferson County Public Schools, Live United, Louisville, making a difference, Metro United Way, Metropolitan Housing Coalition, parenting, youth

by Natalie Harris

Photo by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid - click for link

Oh, the iPhone.  In my house, it made an appearance just a few months ago.

Boy. has it ever.

My husband really can justify having one (he runs his own business, has no assistant, and is out visiting sites all over the city throughout the day),  but as his attachment to this lovely little device grows and grows, so does my level of frustration.

“But look at all that it helps me do!” he says.  He can send e-mail while at a jobsite!  He can get directions!  He can check prices!  He can take photos!  He can miss conversations!  He can forget to talk to our toddler!  He can help our teenager tune out even more by handing it to him at family functions!

Harrumph.

So when I came across this New York Times article yesterday, The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In, did I ever get excited.  Proof!  Validation of my recent tirades in black and white!  Sudden reason to examine my commitment to my laptop!  Wait — uh-oh.

As I overheard a friend of mine saying last night, “It’s hard being married to a righteous man.”  Ouch.  Turns out I’m the righteous one in the family, and the problem with all that righteousness is that you start to become blind to your own flaws;  I am just as guilty of distraction by way of e-mail, facebook, or, irony of ironies, The New York Times website.

I know that in this world where everyone –work, family and friends – expects us to be accessible all the time that it’s incredibly difficult to turn off all that distraction.  But as the article above points out, this constant need to stay connected electronically gets in the way of the meaningful connections in our lives, especially with our children.

Young children, in particular, need that connection to us.  They need it to develop language skills, to build their social skills, and to simply engage and learn about the world around them.  When we’re tuned into the smartphone at the playground, or even at the grocery store, we’re missing critical opportunities for learning.

As part of our Success By 6 work, one of the major initiatives here at Metro United Way, we’ve connected to a nationwide program called Born Learning.  Born Learning promotes using everyday life as a learning opportunity, and offers lots of guidance and suggestions on how to make it happen.  For many of us, this may seem intuitive, but I know I could definitely use a refresher, and to remember to turn off the computer between the hours of 5:00pm-9:00pm ( AND to hide that iPhone).

Education, General Children, early childhood, Education, parenting, reading, Success By 6, youth

I recently helped my daughter move back into the dorm for her third year of college.  As we loaded up the truck with her belongings early in the morning, the next door neighbors were all waiting anxiously on the front porch for the school bus to come.  It seemed it was not only my daughter’s first day back for the semester, but also the first day of preschool for the four year old next door. 

As I watched one of the cutest little boys I have ever met excitedly climb aboard for his first day of ‘big school’, as he calls it, with the whole family there to cheer him on and wave goodbye, I couldn’t help but think back to when that was me tearing up as my own daughter went off to face the world without me.

I thought about the first day of child care, how I was a mess and she was fine, and how on the first day of kindergarten, my tiny little five year old climbed aboard the school bus without even looking back.  She was fine.  I was not.  In thinking back, I realized that I was always the one who was not ok.  She was always fearless and charging forward.

I thought about the slumber parties growing up, overnight field trips in elementary and middle school to Gatlinburg and Space Camp in Alabama, long hours at band competitions and week long trips out of state to perform in high school.  I thought about moving her into the dorm for the first time and the panic attack I had when she called to say she was going to the Bahamas to stay on a sail boat for a week and scuba dive the reefs as part of her last short term class.  Again, she was always excited and ready to embark on a new adventure.  I was the one having a hard time letting go. 

Then I realized.  That’s my job.  It is my job to do my best to prepare her and then to let go.  I will always worry and I will always be there just in case, but I know in my heart she will flourish.  It is hard, very hard sometimes, but it is my job and I will always find a way to let go so she can fly.  I know there will be more times when I will need to let go in the future and they will always be difficult, but they will also be worth the reward as I see her succeed.  I will be the best parent I can be.  I will let go.

General Children, parenting

Success By 6 offers parent workshops in partnership with a few local hospitals. This effort recently expanded to include monthly workshops at Norton Suburban. I decided to attend the first workshop to make sure everything ran smoothly and because I was interested in the topic. Dr. Jeanette Nunnelley presented her workshop, “Powerful, Practical Practices in Behavior Guidance.” I generally think that I do a pretty good job in the positive discipline arena, but I thought that I should see how I compare to the advice of an expert.

I was pleased that so many of the strategies that she described were ones that I already use with Luke. Here are a few of them:

• Ignore inappropriate behavior and/or redirect. If what he’s doing isn’t going to hurt him and it is just annoying me I try to walk away. And if he is not making the best choice, it is easy to “trick” him into focusing his attention on something else.
• Catch your child being good. When he uses good manners or is sweet to another person I praise him and tell him how proud I am of the behavior I want to see more of.
• Use simple preventative measures. No one likes to be rushed. In our frantic family one of the most valuable strategies that we use is to give five minute warnings (followed by a countdown of minutes) when it is nearing time to move to our next activity.

Of course, I have had the opportunity to sit in on countless early childhood training sessions when I worked in the child care field, and I have real-life experience with lots of other people’s children who I have cared for. So, I should already know these techniques. The part that pleases me the most is that I almost always put them into practice. Don’t get me wrong, everyone loses their patience sometimes. I know that I have fussed at him in a less than appropriate way on at least a couple of occasions.

I can think of one bedtime in particular. We had gotten all set: all clean from bath, pajamas on, lots of books thrown into the bed waiting to be read, and goodnight kisses for Daddy. In my mind we were all set for a typical bedtime. Apparently Luke had other things in mind. He kept getting out of bed to go get stuff telling me, “I be right back.” He would come back, get back into bed, think of something else and jump out of the bed again. I probably ignored this behavior for a little too long because I finally had enough and told him in a raised voice that if he didn’t get into that bed then we weren’t reading any books at all and I was leaving the room. My overly-sensitive child cried. He hung his head and wouldn’t look at me. He finally said, “I’m mad.” I felt bad about hurting his feelings, but I was impressed with his ability to name his feeling. We snuggled and read books after that, but it still wasn’t an exchange that I felt good about.

The biggest take-away for me from Dr. Nunnelley’s workshop was her reminder to be an appropriate role model for your child. This is actually something that I am trying to be intentional about in everything that I do: Be the change that you want to see. So, of course it makes sense for me to be the kind of person that I want my son to be.

What works with your child?  When have you been frustrated?

photo credit:  brungrrl

Education Children, early childhood, parent workshops, parenting, Success By 6

When Luke was not quite 18 months old, I began to have concerns about his speech development. I consulted family members, friends, co-workers, and expert volunteers for their opinions. Of course, by asking so many people I got quite a range of advice. There were a lot of folks who thought that I had very high expectations for Luke, and that I should wait until he was at least two before I really worried. Others thought that as his mom I knew best and it couldn’t hurt to have an evaluation done. In the end, I decided that I did know my child better than anyone else in the world. If he didn’t qualify for services then I would know that I had been overreacting but wouldn’t have worried that I hadn’t done enough for my son.

So, I spoke with a friend who works for First Steps, and she guided me through the process. It was actually pretty easy. I made the referral for Luke. Within a few days, the Initial Service Coordinator (ISC) assigned to Luke contacted me to set up a time for us to talk. She came to my office and asked me several questions about Luke and we set up a time for his evaluation. The evaluator came to our home. She played with Luke, asked us more questions about our observations of him and made notations on the forms she was using. Based on her findings, he did qualify for speech services. We then chose a Primary Service Coordinator (PSC) who helped us choose a speech therapist.

Luke’s speech therapist would see him at a variety of locations based on her schedule and what worked for us. Sometimes she would see him at his child care center, sometimes at our house, and sometimes at one of his grandmothers’ homes. It was so nice to have his therapy at places that he was used to and comfortable with. His therapist was kind and offered us tips about what we could do with Luke on a day-to-day basis to encourage his speech development.

When enrolled in First Steps, the PSC and therapists periodically review the established Individual Family Service Plan (IFSP). At our second review, the speech therapist shared that she thought that Luke might have some sensory issues and recommended that we have an evaluation to see if Luke qualified for Occupational Therapy. I was a little shocked and admittedly devastated. I had been able to accept his need for speech that was seemingly common, but a sensory integration disorder? That I wasn’t prepared for.

I didn’t understand. This was my child. The child I read to everyday from the time he was in the womb, the child I played, sang and danced with, my sweet boy. I never thought that my child would be the recipient of services. In my job I help to make sure that services are available to those in need. I am not used to being the one in need. So, I began to look into Sensory Integration Dysfunction. A lot of the descriptions that I read on the web and in recommended books did seem to fit my sweet boy. So, I knew what I had to do. If he had something going on that he needed help with, it was my responsibility to make sure that he got the help that he needed. Even if it meant that my expectations had to change.

We had further evaluation and he qualified for Occupational Therapy. Luke’s experience with OT was amazing. In my opinion, it actually helped with his speech more than the speech therapy alone had. This “diagnosis” wasn’t the end of the world. It was a way for Luke to learn to manage some of his challenges. It was a way for him to be more comfortable in the world.

At the beginning of April, my not-so-little Luke will turn three. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by. His third birthday will also mark the end of his time with First Steps. He has come a long way. I now understand almost all of what he is saying, although he doesn’t use all of the correct sounds. He transitions easily from one activity to another, and is a well-adjusted, normal little boy.

Based on my conversations with his therapists, his PSC and my contacts at JCPS I have decided to let Luke take the summer off from therapy. He would likely only qualify for speech through the school system and the school year is coming to a close. So, we’re going to enroll in swim lessons, continue going to Gymboree and work on his articulation during our normal conversations. We’ll see how he’s doing in September. If I think that Luke still needs an extra boost in his language development, we’ll seek an evaluation through the school system or look into private services. I will always make sure that he has everything that he needs to be the best person that he can be.

Education early childhood education, parenting, Success By 6